Scribbles and Coins

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My heart feels like a waste paper basket.

It’s not innocent. 

It’s messy and crumpled and torn up in some places. 

And people keep writing on the pieces I’m trying to recover 

So I can’t even tell what was there before.

And some people help

But you can’t erase permanent marker.

My heart feels like a fortune cookie.

I’m a little stale nowadays.

People come to me for advice or future plans

But none of those plans involve me, nor is my advice taken.

They break me for my secrets that I give willingly

While they don’t understand I’m a gift myself,

But it’s hard to believe that while I lay disguarded on the table.

My heart feels like a piggie bank.

I can be noisy.

But nothing compares to the noise of me shattering

Because someone thought it was smart to break me for two cents.

Now my pain is at my edges, biting people.

And someone tries to glue me together, and they get hurt too.

But you can still see my porcelain smile.

I Am a Fireflower

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In the sunset, moths think I’m fire,

That my reflection is its warm glow,

But when the light’s gone, 

They leave with the memory of beauty.

In the morning to the bees, I am sweet,

Something used to make something sweeter.

My only request is that they share of their labor,

Keeping my sweetness alive.

In the night, the earthworms find shelter

So they can rest in the cool from predators

While my leaves shade their heads

And they never even see my face.

But the butterflies know of my sweetness to share

Which they find when they’re drawn by my light,

And they rest under my leaves from the storm 

And know that I’m here all through the day.

Tidepools

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The water’s murky, 

And I drop a pebble in,

Hoping the water clears itself. 

You have a bucket of pebbles, God. 

Sometimes you only give me one, 

Other times, three or four, 

And I chuck them in,

Hoping that the water becomes clear. 

But there’s so many ripples, Lord. 

I’m dizzied by the number. 

There’s nothing clear about splashes and waves. 

And I cry to You, 

“Make it stop, Abba!

Make it stop!”

Yet you hush me and tell me to watch. 

I don’t want to watch. 

I want to cry and have You still the waves. 

You tell me again, and I do,

Sobbing all the while, 

Confused as ever before, 

Trying to see through the waters. 

When they still, it’s not what I want to see. 

There’s rocks and plants and leaves

But no diamonds, 

No pearls, 

No fish. 

Somehow, I’m discontent in Your answer, 

Irrationally longing for the high of the waves. 

But that’s not Your best. 

And I sit on the bank

And wiggle my toes in the water,

Just for a moment. 

Until You take my hand 

And lead me to another wave pool on the shore. 

In Fair Valoran

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Once, in a kingdom fair, 

Three witches sat within their lair

And made a plan to curse the king.

The first one was all green and grey

With many faces on display

And numbers ever, ever counting.

The second was all kinds of spattered, 

With paint and light as it scattered;

She brought only the muses of everything. 

The third one had great wings of gold

That many sought out to behold,

Yet even she was ever draining.

The king had a lovely wife,

And four lovely children for a lovely life,

Yet he searched for something missing.

And as he searched, the witches came

And started everyone shifting blame.

So starts the plot to curse the king.

Then the king, in desperation,

Sought the witches’ explanation.

They told him he had done just everything.

Each witch touched his hand and heart,

And this was where the problem starts

For he saw his family as ugly and boring. 

They started with the eldest boy

And got him all obsessed with toys,

Until he only ever sat playing.

Then, the king, who had been kind, 

Had the witches mess with his mind,

And somehow blinded him from seeing.

But one day, the boy was found;

The king yelled him into the ground

Until the oldest ran angrily screaming.

Then the king, now very wild,

Cried to his wife about their child

Whose rebellion had him fleeing.

Then the queen, the king’s wife,

Shrugged and said, “Well, that’s life.

We’ll carry on like it was nothing.”

And while this scene was going on,

The other three had to be strong

In hopes they’d calm the king.

And so they put up their brave smiles,

But the witches had stronger wiles

That children shouldn’t be holding.

The king went to his bedroom mirror

To see if he had been in error

Yet the witches had been scheming. 

The second witch made him his reflection,

And so, he thought he was perfection

His children needed demeaning.

He locked the second in a tower,

As he struggled for inner power,

She now had walls of suffering.

She saw his actions toward the others,

The younger two: sister and brother,

Her heart ached for her siblings.

The princess ached to give them help, 

But her tower kept her from doing well.

Her heart was just left gaping. 

But one day, she saw her open door, 

And ran across her tower floor

Until her eyes were blinking. 

She felt the air upon her face,

And through the air, there was a trace

Of the freedom she was needing. 

She saw the witches in their lair;

She saw the neighboring kingdom fair,

And gathering courage, ran, escaping.

And on the road, she met a stranger,

But did not know that he caused danger

Until she saw her heart was bleeding. 

But as it was all she had known,

She knew it was best not to groan,

Her mum said those types were nothing.

So she was beaten down again,

Until along came unknown friends

Who saw her need for saving.

They pulled her away and showed her life

That wasn’t stuck in someone’s strife,

And they taught her ever loving.

They showed her all the neighboring town

And gave her freedom from being down. 

She knew it was a blessing.

Soon she recalled the witches’ lair

And thought it was not very fair

Her brethren still were suffering.

Through secret ways, she sent them letters

And told them how life should be better

Than what they were experiencing.

The king found out and sent the soldiers

To drag her back by waist and shoulders

Despite her screams and crying.

The queen just smiled with a “Come along.

This is where you always belong.”

It seemed the curse was spreading.

The witches’ curse had taken root

It swept the kingdom up like soot

Now everyone was suffering.

The witches stopped their games long ago,

But curses, like diseases, grow

When rulers seek the wrong thing.

The tower remains locked to this day,

And it’s said if you pass that way,

You can hear the children weeping.

While the queen stays quiet and the king goes mad,

Others can’t help but feel sad

About the toll it’s taking.

But the children smile when dignitaries

Ask them to sing like peach canaries

For they still love their king.

They think of their brother who somewhere roams

And don’t blame him for leaving home

They hear rumors of his doings.

And they pray that they will get their day

When they, too, can finally go away

And leave the curse that witches bring.

So all who listen to my tale,

Or, crouching, hear the children’s cursed wail

From some new horrid thing,

Consider all that’s before your eyes

And be quicker to prioritize

Those under your guiding, 

For the witches caught the king on greed,

The desire to move and to be the creed

That joyous cries are shouting.

But the money was just a paper fold,

The wings were ash, not made of gold

It was only himself that he was fooling.

Do not let your family die;

And if it lives, don’t say goodbye

And chide them for believing

That hope lies around the bend.

Just take the time to stop and listen,

Be the reason they are loving. 

Change

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Why is it

The thing you balk at the most

Is the thing you’ve been preparing this whole time for? 

Because change means removal, 

And removal means leaving, 

And leaving means being alone. 

And that terrifies you the most:

The idea that you live for loneliness. 

While we cling to the hope, 

The knowledge that it’s not true. 

Change really is for building;

It’s just hard to believe sometimes. 

Music of the Heart

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It starts as a lulling melody, 

Like the trees the breeze sways. 

Eyes catch and form a memory

That sticks and stays. 

Heart beats break the monotony 

With every thud and fade,

Smiles grin in almost agony, 

Nerves wild on the fray. 

It expands in urging ecstasy, 

About the basic everyday. 

Friendship forms in expectancy

For what the future portrays. 

Promises form in errancy, 

At the starting of May,

Messages as currency

For hopes they have made. 

Yet summer changes a heartbeat, 

And crushes dreams that lay, 

So one soul is rooted in its seat

While the other goes to play. 

Broken music is the new scene, 

Good to only weep and pray. 

Grasping friendship is the duty

The rooted soul retains. 

Yet love’s often harmony

One of discord lays, 

And defined terms of joviality

Make only one beg and pay. 

I won’t let it define me,

But what can I say

When the thing I have to be

Keeps getting in the way.

Pity Is Not Love

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Pity is not love.

I tell my story, and I can see their hearts break behind their eyes.

But they really don’t need my thoughts to clutter up their lives.

They already have their own problems and worries,

No need for me to come in like a chittering mouse, ready to scurry.

Pity is not love.

My endless chatter only exists to fill the ache within my heart

Because I know they’ll try to fix me, though there’s no where for them to start.

I smile so wide because it covers up my pain,

At least one person should benefit from my broken days.

Pity is not love,

Neither given nor received,

Yet we try to convince ourselves because we want to believe.

Do they only love me out of pity, not of care?

Because I feel this is the truth, it doesn’t matter if I’m there.

Pity is not love.

If I disappeared, would they notice?

Or would they go about their days on just one thing to focus.

I know it’s not about me, I never said it was,

But I would just once like to feel really loved.

It has happened before, but no human can replicate,

And it’s not really a feeling I myself can duplicate.

Pity is not love.

I know this is true.

But we get so stuck in things as habits because they’re “something that you do.”

Just once I’d like to feel that I really do belong,

But what’s another decade, I’ve already waited this long? 

Pity is not love,

No matter what they say.

I cannot shake this feeling, it never goes away.

Thanks for all your well wishes, they have been really kind,

But I have already set in stone, I’ve made up my mind.

Pity is not love. 

Dead Lovers

(CONTENT WARNING: This poem covers graphic content as narrative, read at your own discretion. Posted just as good poetry, not in support of anything else.)

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“She walks in beauty like the night”

Nay, she is the very moon.

Her translucent face that gives a fright

Doesn’t leave us soon.

We stand in joy-awed rapture

At beauty reflecting the sun

Each diamond that is captured

In her tears over her no one.

She clutches them to her chest

Ev’n as they’re whisked away

Her one-night stand or noble guest

That her bitter words have slain.

She feels just like a monster,

As we still stand in awe.

She wonders what it cost her,

As she feels so cracked and raw.

She wipes the blood from off her hands,

Amazed that it’s her own,

Yet, as she wipes, the pool expands,

We watch and see the bone.

She pulls the cloth pooled in their mouth,

And wonders how it happened

Their argument had quick gone south,

And now, his face has slackened.

She clutches him, her own abuser,

Not one-time guest, but love,

She cries in grief, her own accuser,

The cloth was her silk glove.

He pushed her as an accident,

That’s how her bone was broken,

And now her blood’s her sacrament,

For her scarring words spoiled spoken.

Once was a peaceful opera night,

A marriage to be saved,

If only they didn’t ever fight,

She’d not have to be brave.

So I repeat, she is the moon,

Shadowed and alone,

And bleeding, lifeless, she now swoons

With her lover in their home.

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